What a load of shite

There is an old adage in cricket: "catches win matches". In today's game it was definitely a case of "catches lose matches".

Fielding and catching have become our collective nightmare this season and the return match against Black Rose proved to be no different.

Smiler won the toss and elected to field on a sunny afternoon at Southover. An hour and half later this did not look a good decision.

Black Rose had cruised to 124 before they lost their first wicket. They probably should have lost two or three in this time.

Opener Hazan batted with a simple technique: whack the ball and ride your luck. With our fielding this proved a masterstroke. From the first ball – which he carved through Cosgrove's hands at cover point off the luckless Cattell – until he was out, chances and near misses went awry.

But congratulations on the 50. Not many other sides would be so generous!

John Royle had opened the bowling down the hill and was withdrawn after four overs for 31. Your correspondent replaced him and was equally unsuccessful, if a little less costly.

Ringo Tailor, who would probably have opened the bowling, except for a more pressing social engagement that rendered him unavailable for the first half hour, was Cattell's replacement from the Bathard end.

Ringo loosened his arm. We never quite know what he will produce. Like a catapult he can lethal, or just bloody dangerous (especially to a wicket keeper standing up).

Today was the Squires Lane Trickster's day. He swiftly picked up Lathem (45) - Smiler taking the catch at backward point.

He then got "improv king" Hazan, caught from a skier by keeper Mick "I'm tired from a week of being sexually exploited by Ann" McGowan.

This brought together Thomas and Mishra. We all took a deep breath. Would Andre Mishra destroy our bowling again?

Euan Soutar, returning to the fray, joined Ringo in the bowling attack. He bowled a tight line to keep the batsman frustrated until his unfortunate demise (see editors prose on his decapitated mate).

Smiler jumped at the chance to finish Soutar's over. As Euan disappeared slowly into the distance, the ball was already being dispatched over Smiler's head for a maximum.

A couple of lusty blows later, and Smiler was declaring that Euan's figures didn't look so economical now. Nice try chief tosser… read the book!

Ringo was still weaving his magic, and was unlucky to not pick up Andre as Steve Golding dropped a chance at mid off.

A couple more skiers later to the magnetic (or should that be metallic) hands of Barry Cosgrove, and Andre was once again having a field day against us.

He eventually fell to the deserving Tailor, caught on the boundary by Golds - a little too late!

Meanwhile, Smiler had recovered his composure with the ball and picked up a couple of LBWs. Ringo persevered and deservedly completed his five-wicket haul.

Not before time, Black Rose declared. And as we traipsed, battered and bruised (mainly from dropped catches), towards another spectacular tea-time spread from Pat we were left to rue the fielding which had left us a target of 256.

This turned out to be too daunting a target for the Sundown batsmen. No one showed any real resolve as we capitulated to 88-9. Euan was refusing to bat with his slightly dodgy ankle. This was the type of "always say die" attitude that summed up our day (maybe a bit harsh on the lad, but you get the idea).

Royle (23) and Cattell at least ensured the game reached the last 20 overs, as we stumbled to our heaviest defeat of the season (probably heaviest for many a year).

We must, I think, say well played to Black Rose, who outplayed us in all departments. Hopefully next year we can give them a couple of games that will at least make them feel as though they have been in a battle.

Once again we were left to soul search in the bar, and offer some catching practice to the young pretender, Jack Reed. Is seven too young to make your debut?

On to the days winners and losers;

The Winners:
Hazan - must have had charity status to collect as much from our bowlers and fielders.

Black Rose - far too comprehensive to go into detail about again.

Ringo - five for 75. BB for sometime.

The Losers:
Too many to list on our side.

Next week we travel to east London to play Walthamstow Horizontals. A bit of fielding practice before the game is required.