Not happy

I was a little distressed to read the words printed in my absence through injury on the web site last week, so this week I am going to start with my right to reply:

Walking around 18 holes of a golf course carrying my clubs is far less stressful on my calf muscle than running around Southover carrying 10 cricketing no-hopers!

There, I've said my piece, so on to the report (ably written by Andy V the last two weeks - thanks V).

Chief tosser Smiler lost and we were inserted against a side we have not had too many problems with in the past. Would there be a sting in their tail today?

The usual suspects were sent in, Andy V and Smiler. Or should that be Boycott and Tavare?

Smiler was first to fall hanging his bat out to dry, and nicking one to the keeper with the total on 14.

Steve Golding was next in, and between himself and V they started to build a partnership.

Both men played some exquisite shots through the offside - Golds striking the ball through the covers off the front foot, and the shorter V punching through the same area off the back foot. If only we could combine the two we would have a classic batsman!

I must mention the "comedy running" routine that V and Golds had obviously rehearsed before. Both men sprinting (should I use that word in conjunction with these two?) towards the same end, then turning to do the same in the opposite direction before V set off on the final leg, on his own, to reach safety.

All this as Washington fell about in the field unable to co-ordinate properly at the performance of Messrs. Keaton and Chaplin. Talking to V later in the bar, he informed me that Golds had invented a new call: "Yo."

Throughout this period Washington persisted with their two opening bowlers, Minion and Evans. They were to bowl 33 of the 42 overs during the afternoon session and were probably the most willing participants at the drinks break.

Golds was eventually out for 35, caught off the bowling of the persistent Minion.

Next in was the promoted Dave Reed. He and V took the score to 129 before Dave fell for 17, which included three boundaries. He became the third and final victim of Minion. During their partnership V had an escape worthy of Smiler from last season.

He edged the ball to the keeper who could only palm the ball gently up to second slip. Second slip must have been so surprised he dropped the ball that most people's Great Grandmothers, let alone Grandmothers, would have held onto. Dropped twice from the same ball - some accomplishment!

I was next up, and was given the instruction, by skipper McGowan, of reaching 200 by teatime, which was about 40 minutes away.

Andy and I decided he should try and bat through the innings now and let the rest of us try and flail some quick runs. We were quite successful with this policy and I was out just before tea for 41, with the total on 202.

This left poor old Mark Naisbitt to come in and stand at the non-strikers end for one ball (as it turned out his most significant contribution of the game!)

Andy V carried his bat to tea, and then proceeded to carry several plates of sandwiches and chicken throughout the tea interval. His PB of 72no for the Sundowns, obviously left him in need of much nourishment from the equally talented, in her field, Pat "the tea lady".

We entered the field for the second session, well replenished, and confident of a result.

Washington, however, had other ideas and opened their innings at a canter, which began to develop in to gallop and finally finished with a full-blown sprint.

Let me explain further. Dom Pilgrim opened as usual down the hill, and was partnered by the experienced Dave Cattell. Unfortunately both men were guilty of bowling either short or legside. This fed, the fast becoming obvious, favourite scoring area for Washington's opener Demetri. He raced past 50.

Our only early success during these early exchanges was my run out. Although modesty would normally not permit, I feel I have to describe this further. Dave Cattell bowled, and hit Cragoe on the pads, he screamed for LBW, but was turned down.

The ball had rebounded to myself at slip. I pounced, and with an arrow like throw hit the stumps, to leave the aggrieved batsman out of his crease. The "Cat" was not impressed, he just chuntered on about it definitely being LBW.

Things proceeded to go from bad to worse and then some. Royle and French came into the attack and both bowlers had their bad balls severely punished.

Royle made the next breakthrough, taking his first wicket for the team (welcome to the roll of honour John). He had opener Demetri LBW. Demetri eventually left the crease after a verbal display only our antipodean cousins can muster.

This proved to be the last success we had. I mentioned earlier that the innings culminated in a sprint, this is where that sprint began.

Irons strode to the wicket and wielded the bat in a similar fashion to a "Flintoff" or "Klusner". He and Bracegirdle set about our bowling, including Golds and my good self. Before we knew it, and several sixes later, the game was all over. Washington had won with 11.4 overs to spare.

We were left to wonder what the role of several members of the Washington team was. They had bowled the majority of the overs with two bowlers and sent in three (new faces) accomplished batsmen who had scored 66, 73no and 38no (off 14 balls).

Having said that there should be no sour grapes from our team, we should have scored a few more in hindsight, and definitely bowled with more control. We should be better prepared next time - watch out Washington.

To finish with, a couple of final notes:

Thanks to Roger Golding (Steve's old man) for umpiring. I'm surprised the skip didn't have Steve bowling at his dads end so we could have witnessed that classic out in cricket, "Howzat dad", "That's out son".

And finally….in the bar afterwards we all marvelled as Mark "no contribution - was he on the right team" Naisbitt, managed to get Andy V and Sachin Tendulkar in the same sentence. I believe Mr Vernon is still picking himself off the floor!

On to the days winners and losers;

The Winners:
Verno - PB of 72n.o., carried the innings on his broad shoulders.

Golds - 35 in a partnership of 58. Although his dad (Roger) could be heard bemoaning his lack of foot movement, to any balls short outside off stick. This is a tune, I suspect, Steve has endured for many years.

My good self - A run out & 41, yet again using my jug avoidance tactics.

The Losers:
Mark Naisbitt - stood at the non-strikers end for one ball, did not bowl and had little more to do in the field. £5 please!

Anyone who bowled for us!

The old Washington guard, who are reduced to bit parts as fielders.

Next week we have our favourite away fixture, a trip to Highgate woods to play Black Rose, on what must be one of the most picturesque grounds in London. We are all hoping for a sunny day, which always makes fielding more pleasurable at this ground, as many a semi-naked young lady can be spotted topping up her tan. You never know we might even publish a few piccies on the site.